"If your idea of a perfect Portland getaway involves questioning your own mortality while standing in a lobby for three solid hours, this is the absolute pinnacle of hospitality.
I arrived expecting a basic place to sleep, but instead, I was treated to a full sensory immersive performance piece on human neglect:
• The Check-In Marathon: I spent three hours waiting at a front desk that felt more abandoned than a vacant industrial warehouse in the Industrial District.
• The Keycard Roulette: When I finally received a keycard, it didn't function. Apparently, entering the room I paid for was an optional luxury.
• The Atmosphere: The room greeted me with a thick, vintage cloud of cigarette smoke, perfectly complemented by a broken AC unit that transformed the space into a stagnant, humid swamp.
• The Hygiene Standards: The shower was visibly filthy, suggesting the cleaning crew had permanently checked out long before I arrived.
• The Exterior Decor: To tie the whole aesthetic together, the property grounds were completely littered with dog feces, creating a literal minefield just to get to the stairs.
It was so profoundly uninhabitable that I abandoned the booking entirely and paid out of pocket to sleep at a hotel next door just to survive the night.
If management wants to look up the paper trail for this complete failure of basic service, check Itinerary #73459060127673. If you value your health, your time, or your basic sanity, sleep in your car instead"
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